thefloatingstone:

I feel it might be a little too easy to misconceive what I mean when I say “Your pain doesn’t make you special” into meaning “you don’t deserve help or acknowledgement” which is NOT what I mean when I say that at all. So I thought I’d paint this scenario so it’s a little clearer;

Imagine you had something truamatic happen to you which resulted in losing both your legs. This is a terrible thing to happen to anyone, and of course its very hard. But now imagine you discover there’s going to be a marathon in your town the next day. And you decide you’re gonna be part of it. Not as a goal of “I am going to get fit enough to participate in a marathon!” or anything like that. Just deciding the day before “I also want to do that!” without any preperation on your part at all.

And then you arrive at the marathon. And upon entering you then declare that it is UNFAIR that everyone else gets to use their legs because YOU had a truamatic accident and lost yours. You refuse to use prosphetics, you refuse to train your thighs to build up their strength, you refuse to get physical therapy. But you INSIST that you will take part in this marathon (without using prosphetics) on a whim without any prep at all. But it’s UNFAIR to you that the other 200 participants get to use their legs. So you demand that ALL 200 other participants in the marathon have to crawl on their knees and elbows. Because YOU suffered a truamatic event, nobody else is allowed doing something you find uncomfortable. But at the same time, you refuse to do any work on your part to adapt to the situation, or to find areas in which the situation has been adapted for you (like joining a marathon for special needs runners)

And then someone in the marathon, who HAS done the work, and is wearing prosphetics, and who took many many months to train to take part in the marathon says “hey. I also lost my legs. I want to do this marathon because it is a goal of mine/I like running even though I do it differently/I want to stay fit” YOU throw a tantrum saying “No! Even though we have the same injury from a truamatic event you are not allowed to run in the marathon either!!! Not unless you ALSO crawl on your hands and knees!!! You are NOT ALLOWED to use the marathon to get healthier! And having lost your legs too you should KNOW what its like!! and how DARE you tell me I should not demand a situation caters to MY needs when I am the one who decided to participate on my own, without taking any precautions!!”

This is what I mean with “Your pain does not make you special”.

It does NOT mean you don’t deserve help, or consideration, or acknowledgement, or support, or encouragement.

What it MEANS is, just because you have suffered some serious trauma, you CANNOT exert your needs onto the entire rest of the world without taking responsibility for yourself. You cannot make your trauma someone else’s responsibility without any say on their part.

If you have suffered something truamatic in your past, and then decide to be an active part of a fandom, but refuse to use blacklists, refuse to stay away from content that upsets you, refuse to set up boundaries for yourself, and THEN send hate and death threats to people that makes content you find triggering, you are making your pain someone’s responsibility without taking any responsibility for yourself even to the smallest degree. Even if people creating this content you find triggering may have had similar traumatic experiences to you. Even if they make this content to work through their pain. Even if they are using it as a form of self therapy or coping mechanic. If you are behaving in a way where you believe your pain makes you more important than literally every other person in a fanbase, then the response “your pain does not make you special” is something you need to sit down and think about.

Anyway, I hope that clarifies things a little bit.

If you went through something traumatic, or if you struggle with mental health problems, or anything else that makes things difficult for you, you deserve help, support, care, and patience. But no amount of trauma makes you a more important person than someone else.

Do not hurt other people, because you feel your pain justifies it.